Why Should You Hire A Doula?

Is this just another "hire a doula" blog? No. You can totally do it without a doula. Hundreds of thousands of women do it every day. No one 'needs' a doula. A doula is a luxury.

So, why should you hire one? Well, that's a personal choice. Everyone has different reasons for hiring a doula. Some have no support system. Some just want an extra person with them Some women feel it will empower them. 

I'm a doula. I have never hired a doula for my births. I didn't know that a doula was a 'thing' until after my youngest child was born. But once I learned, I knew that's what I wanted to be. I wanted a 'mother' to be with me, since I was hundrends of miles away from my own mother and my mother in law. I wanted to have a woman with me who had given birth to be there to let me know what I was feeling was natural, normal, and just a part of the cycle. I never had that. 

Learning what a doula was, what her role could be in the birth process, and how she could help mothers to be feel more confident by just being there, encouraged me to become a doula. I wanted to learn everything I could about helping women have a more satisfying birth experience. I never wanted another woman to feel as alone as I did, as helpless as I did, or as clueless as I did.

I am not a doula in order to advoate for you. I am here to give you the information and support to enable you to advocate for yourself. I am here to support you when and how you want to be supported.

A doula has been said to be a neccessity, a right, something every woman should have. While I agree that if you can hire a doula, then do so. However, not everyone can afford a doula, nor does everyone want a doula.

So, you should hire a doula if you want one. That is the bottom line answer. 

Breastfeeding is NOT Natural

I know what you are thinking. A doula saying that breastfeeding isn't natural?? What world is this? Let me stop you there. Of course it's natural. This isn't about natural or not. It's actually about how it feels. Many women do not always take 'naturally' to breastfeeding. Some babies do not always take 'naturally' to breastfeeding. It can be a difficult and frustrating journey. It can be discouraging, stressful, and even make you want to stop. I'm here to tell you, that's normal, natural, and part of our journey. There are many reasons that a woman may stop breastfeeding well before the recommended time that is offered by the WHO, by the AAP, and others.

I was very much the mom to be that wanted to do everything as natural as possible when it came to giving birth and the first few years. I had so much to learn. It simply wasn't possible for me to be that perfectly natural mother. I ended up with an induction because my water broke and labor did not start on its own. My body needed help, and that was okay. That was normal. I needed and epidural. That was okay. That was normal.

I struggled so much the first two months of motherhood. My daughter did not take to breastfeeding easily. She did not cause my milk to come in, even though she had the perfect latch. She was not sucking effectively, despite that perfect latch, no ties, and being hungry.  She struggled for weeks, even after we got her suck fixed. I cried, begged, pleaded, yelled, cajoled, and did everything the books and lactations consultants said to do. I wanted to quit.

Luckily for me, I had a great support system in the form of my husband. He constantly reminded me that it would get easier, we would find our groove, and I would get it. He reminded me how badly I wanted to breastfeed, how many things had not gone my way, and how upset I would be if I 'gave up' on this one. (He never implied I gave up on the other things I wanted, but he wanted me to know that this was one I still had control over.) He constantly supported me, encouraged me, and made sure I had all the resources I needed. It was still awful. I still wanted to quit.

Then, one day, it just...clicked. Baby A finally got it. I finally got it. We hit our groove. Breastfeeding became second nature, and we both loved it. She didn't fuss at the breast any more. She didn't pull off mid letdown and let a stream of breastmilk shoot across the room. I didn't want to quit anymore.

The main thing our society has forgotten about breastfeeding is this: Once upon a time, we lived in a communal society. We had our extended families under one roof. Many of the issues we run into now are a direct result of the fact we no longer live like this. For some women, when they begin breastfeeding their own child, it is the first time they've ever seen it done. Centuries ago, they'd have grown up with their mothers, aunts, cousins, and sisters all breastfeeding in front of them, immediately helping with breastfeeding, and even being wet nurses when that mother's milk didn't come in.

They also knew how to use goat's milk when there was no wet nurse available. They knew the herbs, and tricks to get milk to come in, to increase supply, etc. Our ancestors, tho far more limited than we, had numerous resources we have lost. This is why lactation consultants and doulas exist today. This is why there are movements such as #normalizebreastfeeding etc.

In the end, we all struggle. No one comes into motherhood with a magical innate knowledge, no matter what some would have us to believe. Do we have natural instincts and desires? Of course we do. However, natural instincts do not always make a thing natural in the sense of automatically knowing how to do a thing.

Reach out. Ask your female friends. Find a local lactation consultant. Find a local LLC chapter. Find a doula. And if all else fails, and you still can't get the hang of it, still don't have milk, or baby just isn't getting full, use formula, use donor milk, do what it takes to feed your baby. In the end, that's the most important thing. Many women struggle with guilt over the decision not to breastfeed due to the push to normalize breastfeeding. No matter what, there will always be times where breastfeeding is not best for a family.